Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
