He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
