my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
