Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I want to make a zoo with you.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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