He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You are a genius and a whore.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
