exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
