did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
