I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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