he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
