you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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