Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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