hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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