So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
