well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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