Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
