i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
