my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
