am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
