I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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