I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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