I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
