you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
