oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
