and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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