How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
