Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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