My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
