I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
