Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
