dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
