ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
