my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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