things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
