The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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