So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
