Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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