just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
