Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
