You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
