My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
