need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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