Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
