It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He shit in the fireplace
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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