we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
