So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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