Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
