Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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