he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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