the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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