If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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